Headlines, 17th April 2016
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Seagulls running everything
Seagulls have been humankind's masters for the past three decades, it has emerged.
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America warns that if UK quits Europe it will invade
“Nothing personal, it’s just what we do”.
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Warning: chipmunks on the loose
Striped foreign rodents caught bullying innocent red squirrels.
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Brighton ‘most godless city in Britain’
Brighton ill-prepared for coming Apocolypse, claims horseman.
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Everyone injured at middle-aged football game
A midweek game of football between 40-year-old friends has left everyone involved injured.
